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Second Hand Information

Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Yesterday I had this gut feeling I was sitting in the beach parking lot and told myself I go surfing this morning I am going to miss my phone call from my neurosurgeon with the results from my MRI. But the waves looked fun and I convinced myself that it would be silly for me to sit there staring at the phone all week till I got the call. So I went surfing for an hour or so and as I was pulling off my wetsuit John rolls up in his work van. Walks straight toward me and tells me he talk to my neurosurgeon and then paused. He probably made that pause so I could adjust my frame of mind and be ready for what he was going to say. I felt more of a heart drop feeling like if you were riding on a really big roller coaster.
So from the information that John told me my growth I have on my pituitary gland is some sort of pituitary tumor not a cyst and its the same size as it was last year.

 Not exactly the news I wanted to hear what I wanted was something more concrete like its smaller the medicine you are taking is working. Or its bigger and No the medicine you are taking is NOT working. But here I am right here in the middle with a dozen unanswered question. What does this information suppose to mean that its not growing and its just chilling? Or does it mean that it was growing and the medicine has helped and stop the tumor from growing?  I am confused...

I tried to get a hold of my doctors office yesterday so I could personally have a conversation and maybe get some of my questions answered but the phone line was busy all day it was crazy I have never had that problem of them not answering the phone before but yet of course as soon as I am desperately wanting some answers it busy all day. John did mention the office was going to call me to set up a meeting with John and I, the surgeon and the UCLA endocrinologist and we were going to have the discussion on where we go from here.

Which basically means more medicine or surgery?

Johns opinion is lets take it out surgery is the better option which is easy to say but John is not the one that has to actually get the surgery. I know he just wants me to be better and men are easy like that A) Problem B) Solution. Women are like A) problem B) emotions about the problem C) reactions about the problem...defghijk...you know I am right ladies. Its more complex as it should be in this situation its brain surgery!

 I feel better today this blog is medicine to me I enjoy writing its calms me down and I feel much more peaceful. Especially since I am not able to just lock myself in a room and take time to be calm and relax and think about my problem and what I am going to do about it. I have three kids its not that simple Micah is 15 now and in full teenage argumentative stage it does not matter what it is it will automatically turn that switch in his head to argue normal behavior good for his developmental health in his life but terrible for John and I. I cant help but laugh about it. We were all there and now seeing it from the other side just cracks me up. As for Tyler he has not figured out the system yet he will be 13 in November and he is fighting us for the path of least resistance. Another normal behavior but so hard to handle. Marley well shes four and can do everything by herself. So is it crazy over here? Oh yes but there it is life in its purest forms I really have to step back better sometimes and just realize that yes life is hard and things might not run as smooth as they should but we are all learning together to make this work. We have the main ingredient here and that's unconditional love and I would rather have that than the dishes being done, the kids listening to me all the time, and my brain tumor being gone.


2 comments

Rachel B said...

Well its not good news but its not bad news either. My little cold just got knocked down a few pegs so I should just suck it up and call you anyways.
Sorry darlin for being stuck without 1st hand knowledge of whats going on. Hopefully it gets cleared up soon. And you do have a pretty awesome little family there :)
Love you!

Insa said...

Dear daughter, this news is not what i want to ear but lets face it. READ ALL THE MATERIAL you can find about surgery and other treatments because I been talking with a lady doctor here and this type of tumor are recurrent you need to talk to the doctor and find out this type of tumor is caused by your hormonal system or not and if it is recurrent. WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF THIS OPERATION AND RISKS INVOLVED. PLEASE WAIT TILL I GET HOME if you can.If the tumor has not changed what other type of medicine .Think and take your time on the decision Love you more that I can express