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The Wait

Friday, October 21, 2011
    My appointment has come and gone and now its time to start mentally preparing for what has been bound to come brain surgery.
    I must say it is almost a relief to picture myself minus a brain tumor at this time in my life I am struggling as it is with teenagers and Marley a business I am trying to help run life can be overwhelming at times. There is other options. I could take anywhere from 6-8 more pills a week and play guinea pig to see if that will make the tumor shrink but honestly I cant stand taking the amount of medicine I am taking now and taking triple the amount sounds like madness to me. There is also radiation therapy which is recommended for older patients so really the other option is surgery. My neurosurgeon recommended me to have and said I was a perfect candidate for the surgery get in there take it out and done..of course it is more complex than that. I have to decide whether I want them to take out a membrane wall that the tumor is pressing against. The reason is for testing to see if the tumor has not spread into the membrane. I am at a stand still with the decision because on the other side of that wall is the carotid artery which if punctured at best case scenario can temporarily leave me with double vision and would have to wear a patch (ARRRR). Worst case would be cardiac arrest or heart attack.  There is a 30% chance the tumor can grow back if I dont and a 10% chance if I do decide to take it out. He is leaving it up to me because it is a more risk involved. Now if the tumor was cancerous which it is NOT he would automatically take it out to be sure it has not spread.
 is this making sense?
    I must call for an appointment for surgery so they can start communicating with my insurance to see if they are going to cover there part. I would love to just get it out tomorrow but my mom is out of the country and feel the  need to wait till she comes back. So I might have to wait another 4 months..ahhh I know in the grand scheme its not that bad but I am done, well done, over cooked with this. Four months right now seems like torture but I am sure it might be a good thing I am going to continue to take the medicine because it makes my periods come almost every month and maybe just do one more MRI before surgery to see how things are looking.
   As far as surgery goes I honestly feel good about the decision I really just want to rid this of my life and move on if I dont have to live with this if I dont have to. My doctors does 2-4 of these surgeries a week and has performed over 4,000 surgeries with no serious injuries. I recently talk to someone who had the same type of tumor half the size of mine and she told me when she got the surgery she felt like a new person. Now I am not going to get my hopes up that I will be calm all the time and not be so emotional because I know I am an emotionally sensitive person.  But with restoring my hormones back to normal and getting my periods back gotta change something right?
Symptoms..... I planned on sharing these but decided it was a bit to private.anyways I think this post is long and confusing enough take care everyone.



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