with nuts

Thursday, January 19, 2012
January is passing by I feel I cant even take a minute to myself  February 1st is my brain surgery date and that is weighing heavy on me I almost feel like I am 9 months pregnant with the urge to nest. I want to make sure I am prepared the kids are prepared I have bills paid etc..Yesterday Marley and I picked up Johns T-shirt order which came out great! I will post them later. and then straight to the doctors were I had a pre-op appointment to make sure everything is working correctly I got a EKG which is just weird, chest x-ray, 3 tubes of blood and a urine sample which was hard to explain to Marley she just looked at me with this strange your a weird mom look. I am hoping everything comes out normal I am a little sick right now so I need to make sure I get healthy or I will have to postpone surgery. Tonight I leave for Miami I get to go visit my bf  Rachel I am excited I need some peace and I am hoping to talk, cry and laugh...I also need to get started on the kids letters as well as depressing as it sounds I feel the need to write letters to my kids and family just in case something bad happens in surgery...which is not going to happen but if it did I want to make sure they have something. I have not started the letters because I am avoiding those feeling and getting into that frame of mind is not easy. Another thing dawned on me the other day was how long am I going to be out of the water? I know that's selfish sounding but I need it! I live with two teenage boys and a four year old I need my personal time ...seriously.
It has not been easy T is 13 and well he is 13! I sometimes hug John and ask him when does it get better? Where is the down part to this hill? But its OK we were all 13 I know I was no piece of cake.
 I am going to pack up for my trip and have things ready for John to take care of the kids this weekend (slightly nervous) he is a great dad I am just always nervous if you couldn't tell from these ramblings :)
 I am going to enjoy my time and be back and ready to tackle Marley's dentist appointment, my 29th birthday, more pre-ops, brain surgery and teenage boys!

Pictures from yesterday:
Marley has been walking in these princess shoes everyday she is so funny

f21 squidish necklace

                                                                  Banana bread extravaganza
NOFX on a Tuesday night

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